I’m not quite sure how it happened, but somewhere along the way you became almost 19 months old. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that I was anxiously waiting for that call from the hospital telling us to come in and start the process of bringing you into this world. When we brought you home, it felt like you would be little forever. I quickly realized that is not the case. Time flies by so quickly, Jack, and your baby days are forever behind us now, never to be experienced again. And though some days it makes me sad, I love watching you grow and learn new things and the way you study everything so hard and thoughtfully as you take it all in.
Where does the time go, sweet Jack? I always wish I could freeze it, stop it, maybe for just a little while. Keep you my baby boy a little longer. At a wedding I attended recently, I remember watching the mother & son dance with tears streaming down my face, thinking how one day that will be you and me. Maybe it seems silly. Obviously it’s a ways down the road, but I feel like it will go by in the blink of an eye. Today was one of those days where all of a sudden I realized time is passing me by so quickly, and I’m not appreciating everything as much as I should. So I’m trying to take the time and remind myself that I need to savor these moments, because they are so fleeting.
So here are a few thoughts and promises I would like to make to you…
Sometimes I get impatient with you too quickly. I know you don’t mean to do things to intentionally upset me (well, most of the time). You are just small and curious about everything around you, and don’t know any better. I promise to try and be calmer, and let you be little. I promise to try and be more patient with you.
I try to be the best mom I can to you, Jack, but sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough. I know that we are both learning this as we go, sometimes I just wish I had all of the answers. The two hours a day I get to see you during the week don’t leave much time to play or go to the park or the zoo or any of that fun stuff that families should do together, especially when there is dinner to be made and baths to be had and dishes to be done. The weekends seem to get so busy so quickly with chores and errands and commitments, and It breaks my heart and I promise to try harder to make the time to do fun things with you. Chores and errands can wait. You are only going to be little once and for such a short time.
I wish I documented you more. I know people will think I am crazy for saying that with how many pictures there are of you, but I feel like I haven’t done a very good job documenting little things about you that I love. Like the way you say certain words, or how incredibly smart you are, or certain faces you make. Before I know it you won’t do them anymore and they will just be a memory. I need to write things down in your baby book, or take videos or photos, so that one day when you are my big grown up son, we can look back at some of the sweetest memories of my life and you can know how loved you are. I need to be better about that.
Throughout your life you are going to encounter so many different people. Some of them will be amazing and inspiring, some of them wont be. People will be mean to you and try to bring you down for one reason or another. Maybe they are jealous or unhappy, whatever the reason, they will do it. I wish I could protect you from any harm that may come your way, but I know I cant. Just know that no matter what, you are loved very, very much.
So my dear Jack, I promise you I’m going to do my best to make the most of this time that we have, to make sure I capture the little things, because I never want to forget any of it. Someday, when you are grown, I want you to be able to look back fondly on memories of your childhood, the way I do with mine.
I love you more than you could know.